Awakin London, With Jaime Bristow

Sep 26, 2017 | permalink

It was a great joy to share space with Jaime Bristow, at Mita's Awakin London circle today.  He always has great research like how on how 74% are moved by intrinsic motivations but 77% believe others aren't; and how we radically underestimate the happiness of others.

 
Very grateful to Mita and family, to continue to host epic conversations -- starting with this beautiful event couple years ago, that's hard to forget. :) 

Two Questions From A Filmmaker

Aug 9, 2017 | permalink

In the process of making my labor of love film, I faced a crossroads. I admired a certain artist's work, but he wanted to be paid for it. Other artists were moved by the spirit of the project, but their quality was average (not great). I want to engage volunteers but I also want the best quality. Where should I compromise?

The edge of quality of inner intention versus quality of outer work is a great one to navigate. When we do work as labor of love, we honor the process; however, that process orientation invites us to honor both the producer (which favor quality of inner intention) as well as the consumer (which favors quality of outer work). When both are odds with each other, how do we negotiate the trade off? In a vacuum, you'd pick a pathway that is least harmful to all stakeholders. That doesn't avoid disappointment, but it attempts to minimize it.

However -- and fortunately -- things don't have to be in a vacuum. We can build a context around the project, which affords us many more options for creative arrangement of intentions.

When any sapling is held in the cocoon of a strong field, there will always be an engagement spectrum for both producers and consumers. For example, I may have a song to contribute, but if it isn't the best fit with your particular project, you could still connect me to another project; moreover, you could invite me to contribute to the project in an entirely different way. Without that field, you would have two choices -- accept the song or not; with an ecosystem, though, you have umpteen choices of mixing and matching various elements to create a situation where potentially everyone can benefit.

So, in the early days, we make the most of the limited choices you have. But in the long term, we build (or get connected to) an aligned ecosystem. That way we don't bind ourselves in the poverty of binary choices.

Another thing I wonder about is -- am I really the Director of this film? Yet, if I take ownership, I will build a following and touch more people; if I do it anonymously, it'll be better for my inner transformation. Should I take credit?

Taking credit is indeed a slippery slope.

In principle, the advice of all the sages is consistent -- the humbler the better. If you seriously consider it, we aren't the singular doers of anything. Clearly, any project requires efforts of so many. Your crew, but also also your advisors; your loved ones and also the random strangers that ran into it at the right time; ultimately, if you keep tracing it back, you can go all the way to the Big Bang. :) Whose influence matters most? The person who funds the film, the person who implements the film, the person whose idea it was, the person who was present for the tipping point, person who has the most power? It's hard to say. Every credit roll at the end of a film will always be incomplete.

One way to hold it all is to not take any credit. However, such a vacuum can attract hungry egos that want to suck the unclaimed credit. That doesn't help them, doesn't help you, nor the collective. So, sometimes, it's more skilfull to just take the credit and close that chapter.

I've learned this from experience. :) In the early days of ServiceSpace, we got a lot of media attention. I was on the cover of many major magazines (some photo shoots even made me put on fancy clothes!), my first time on TV was a live 30 minute interview on CNN and so on. We never pitched anything to anyone, but it all was just happening emergently. Initially, I thought it was benign, in that it helped spread the word to people who wanted to help. When more media folks kept approaching, I would often deflect it to others. But I quickly saw that it seeded a subtle culture of accomplishment, acknowledgment, appreciation -- and being in the front. For me, that wasn't the driving force, but for some it was. I remember when we started one particular project, there were all kinds of media stories about it, and at least half a dozen people took credit for starting it. Everyone had inflated stories in their heads that seemed true to them, but it just led to a mess that we had to waste time sorting out. Such confusion occurs not just with media, but in all kinds of other ways too.

The lesson was that unclaimed credit can sometimes encourage greed. That is, sometimes taking credit can be an expression of selfless sacrifice.

Dada Vaswani is one of the humblest folks I've met. He could've written books without his name, he could've refused a movie that reinforced their organizational brand, he could've decided to not have any buildings or roads named after him. Yet he didn't. Not because he wasn't humble, but rather *because* he was humble enough to accept the credit -- in the spirit of service.

Of course, that's precisely the slippery slope. How do we discern if we are taking credit, in the spirit of service, or in the spirit of the ego? That's a good question to sit with. :)

For me, it depends on the context that I'm embedded in. In Japan, after the 2013 tsunami, people returned 62 million dollars in cash back to the government -- because they found it on the streets and they didn't own it. Now, that's a very different context to lose cash in. :) With inner motivations, of course, it's a lot more complex. In 1-on-1 relationships, like say with my wife, it may still be somewhat simple. But in a many-to-many context, how do we gauge the context?

Am I moved by ego or service? Is the context of my action alive in a field of ego or service? At the intersection of those two difficult questions lies our spontaneous response.

Iceberg Principle: What's Below The Surface?

Jun 19, 2017 | permalink

Ani and Awakin London community hosted a full day retreat yesterday in London.  More than 100 folks(!) had signed-up for a spot in the Devlia's open-hearted living room.  About 25 of the participants themselves had contributed to making the evening possible.  Seven laddership circle alumni were silently creating ripples in the background.  Needless to say, it was a feast of love.



As always, we opened the day with a circle of sharing around how people reconnected -- with themselves, others, and systems around them.  In that circle alone, we laughed (a lot!), we shed a few tears, we hugged those next to us, we felt reconnected.  "I gave up the last piece of dessert to a person in line, and we got connected."  "I hitchhiked all the way from Spain to this gathering."  Founder of a very famous nonprofit in London said he was at the site of a GreenFell Towers (where a recent fire killed more than hundred people): "A kid rode up on his bike, got down, raised his hands towards the sky and screamed. We all stood there, bearing witness to his pain.  I wanted to help, but I felt so helpless."  Many spoke about their kindness experiments.  "I paid for the person behind me at the supermarket.  My daughter was on the phone and I overheard her saying: 'My mum's lost it.'"  Hearing all the stories of compassion, a woman who was homebound for a decade due to a disability, summed it up quite well: "I think what I want to say is thank-you.  You may realize just how much your acts of kindness mean for others on the receiving end.  For the majority of my life, I have been invisible to most people -- and whenever someone pushed my wheelchair, I can always tell how much they care.  So thank you for caring."

In the afternoon, we had breakouts.  And after some out-of-the-world Hemant chai, we spoke about labor-of-love projects we want to fail at.  :)  Then, Maki closed it out with her prayerful tears, inviting all of us into a space of great compassion.

In the dozens of thank-you emails after the event, it was easy to see the many things we can be grateful for.  But the metaphor that comes to my mind is the iceberg.  For the visible bits of the iceberg, there's the 90% below the surface.  That's 90% is what we're all working on.  Here's a beautiful quote by our friend Meg Wheatley who sums it up well ... 

In spite of current ads and slogans, the world doesn't change one person at a time.  It changes as networks of relationships form among people who discover they share a common cause and vision of what's possible.  This is good news for those of us intent on changing the world and creating a positive future.  Rather than worry about critical mass, our work is to foster critical connections.  We don't need to convince large numbers of people to change; instead, we need to connect with kindred spirits.  Through these relationships, we will develop the new knowledge, practices, courage, and commitment that lead to broad-based change.

But networks aren't the whole story.  As networks grow and transform into active, working communities of practice, we discover how Life truly changes, which is through emergence.  When separate, local efforts connect with each other as networks, then strengthen as communities of practice, suddenly and surprisingly a new system emerges at a greater level of scale.  This system of influence possesses qualities and capacities that were unknown in the individuals.  It isn't that they were hidden; they simply don't exist until the system emerges.  They are properties of the system, not the individual, but once there, individuals possess them.  And the system that emerges always possesses greater power and influence than is possible through planned, incremental change. Emergence is how Life creates radical change and takes things to scale.

It is, then, no accident that the opening circle was filled with deep shares, with generous laughter, with emphatic vibrations.  Lots of "farmers" were silently tilling the soil.  And for those farmers, the retreat didn't start at 9AM nor did it end at 5PM.  I offer a bow of gratitude to those farmers, which allows 10% of the iceberg to shine in all its glory. :)   

Getting The UK Parliament To Stop -- And Meditate!

Jun 17, 2017 | permalink

How do you get the government to make society more mindful?  That's the question that Jamie's been holding for many years now.  We had dinner tonight, and it was beautiful to learn more about his journey from advertising to the biggest online platforms for mindfulness (HeadSpace) to now transforming government.  As a start, here's what he got the entire UK parliament to do -- meditate!



His remarkable report, Mindful Nation, provides very lucid policy recommendation for governments to adopt -- in healthcare, education, workplace and criminal justice.  Given it's wild success, more than 40 countries(!) have reached out to him to start the dialogue with their government leaders.

Mindfulness means paying attention to what’s happening in the present moment in the mind, body and external environment, with an attitude of curiosity and kindness. There has been a huge increase in academic research on the subject with more than 500 peer-reviewed scientific journal papers now being published every year. Meanwhile developments in neuroscience and psychology are illuminating the mechanisms of mindfulness.

Most recently, they (as Mindfulness Initiative) have come out with Mindful Workplace report -- which zooms into sensitizing our workplaces with mindfulness.

We spend more of our time working than doing anything else, and researchers have found that these hours are on average the least happy of our lives. Endemic stress in knowledge-based industries accounts for a large proportion of workplace absence and represents a huge loss of national productivity. Meanwhile, success in most organisations relies on the very things that unhappiness and stress erode – collaboration, creativity, cognitive flexibility and effective decision-making. New perspectives from psychology and neuroscience are increasingly helping leaders to see that the cognitive and emotional resources of their colleagues determine the health, resilience and future performance of their businesses and institutions.

Jamie is keen to get more engaged in various ServiceSpace conversations and also visit India soon.

Fifth Monk Circle

Jun 17, 2017 | permalink

Whenever I have a couple hours, I find an excuse to do a circle. :)  This afternoon, it was a Fifth Monk Circle -- which created a really rich field of inquiry with about 25 of us.  Here's the invite:

We're calling it the Fifth Monk Circle, based on this parable that invites us to see more upstream solutions to personal and societal challenges. Questions like -- what edges are you holding, at a personal, community or systemic level? If you had a billion dollars, what would you do? :)  Are you being called to any "fierce urgency of the now" action? What is your most recent labor of love project? How you have experimented with multiple forms of wealth (for inspiration, see Zilong's post)? Where have you seen the most recent example of many-to-many possibilities? What is the collective story you're listening into these days?

  

Masami's First Awakin Circle

Jun 16, 2017 | permalink

Tonight was a special evening.  It was Masami-san's first ever Awakin Circle.

Her spiritual teacher, Masahisa Goi, told her that she would give birth to three daughters who would steward her immense work in the world.  But her daughters, although not shy of speaking to 10 thousand people or general assembly at the United Nations, were always reluctant to embrace such a leadership role.  It perplexed Masami-san.  Few years ago, when she first heard about ServiceSpace design principles, she couldn't sleep at night.  She realized that it was the era of "many to many" networks, and what the world really needed was "laddership" in place of leadership.  As a towering spiritual personality in Japan, the nuances of this new approach were rather foreign to the structures around her.  But she made a promise to herself to unlearn, relearn, innovate and whatever else it takes -- to embrace the new.  Over the years, she has been steadily stepping into that frame of mind, and today was a culmination of that.

An intimate circle.  In a living room.  No prepared remarks.  No agendas.

And it was a riot!  Read more in Trishna's post.



Due to her decades of deep spiritual practice, whenever Masami-san sees someone in need of help, she has involuntary reflex to help them.  Subsequently, intimate circles are exhausting for her.  But not today.  Her daughter, Maki, told me today was the first time she felt more energized than before she entered the circle.



At one point, Ani says out loud, "I'm feeling an urge to bow to her and request her blessings. May I?"  And to that, the 76-year-old Masami herself goes flat on the ground and bows to all of us!  Such abundant compassion, humility, and love.  

Mysterious Coffee Conversation :)

Jun 16, 2017 | permalink

Every so often, conversations take on a mysterious turn. :)  That's what happened at coffee today.

Myself and two lovely ladies from a big Church in London.  For the first half hour, we spoke about inspiring topics.  Then, one of the women started to get the "goosebumps of inspiration".  We continue for another half hour.

And then, in the second hour, as we got more comfortable with each other, one of the women asks me, "Do you see what's next to you?"  "Um, this coffee table?"  "No, it's Kuthumi."  "Huh?  Next to me? Where? :)"  "You don't know who that is."  "No, never heard the name."  You can imagine where the conversation went from there. :)

By the end, no matter how diverse our mental frameworks, we felt very deeply nourished by each other's presence.  When they insisted to pay for my coffee, I invited them to help me pay it forward.  First we brainstorm about it, then find a candidate for expressing our kindness.  Then, the waitress comes over and is confused.  "I'll need to ask my manager if I can do this."  After that permission, mission accomplished.  We all left with a vibrant smile, of knowing that we tried to make someone smile.



Sometimes we think we are meeting for certain reasons, but all too often, I get this nagging suspicion that there's a lot more under the tip of iceberg. :)

At Shishukunj: Cultivating CQ

Jun 15, 2017 | permalink

Last time I was in London, Mita and Sanjay had organized a big auditorium talk around a very personal dialogue.  This time, Mita arranged a talk at Shishukunj -- a really well respected public charity that was inspired by Maria Montessori and Gijubhai Badheka.  (I later learned that Gijubhai was Arun-Dada's teacher in school!)

I shared stories around building CQ (Compassion Quotient) and how it can't be manufactured.  Since lot of people were inspired by Swami Vivekanand, I opened with his quote "Relationships are more important than your life."  Precisely because relationships afford us resiliency until compassion blossoms naturally.



The audience was really sweet and resonant.  Laxmi, one of the organizers, later tallied up various kind responses and sent it to me, with this preamble: "What an inspiring evening you gave us all.  It was full of love and positive energy.  The two hours passed so quickly!  All the guests were so tuned into the present moment!  Your stories and examples really gave us an opportunity to witness and re-evaluate ourselves, in light of our service journey!  Thank you for your gift of delivering powerful messages in a simple way that gently touches the soul."  Lot of hugs, ripples and stories.



For me, one of the big highlights was listening to Trishna and Zilong share -- as much as they tried to run away from the mic. :)  With her vintage clarity, Trishna spoke about how she does 21-day challenges with her daughters and holds circles every night; and ultimately underscored the principle that these values aren't taught -- they are caught.  People mobbed her by the end, wanting to stay connected.  And similarly, Zilong closed the evening with such poignant humility.  I'm frequently moved by him, but in the context of this particular vibe, his sincerity, presence and grace felt even stronger than usual. :)



Thank you, Shishukunj!

Algorithms And Love, In Germany

Jun 14, 2017 | permalink

Today, I spoke at Wisdom Together in Germany. It is open-heartedly convened by Alfred Tolle, former CEO of Lycos and exec at Google, who feels an alarming need to cultivate discourse on technology and values. With a stellar crew of speakers, ranging from chairman of a German bank to a famous actor and mesmerizing singer to a b-school professor and a neuroscientist, it made for spirited conversations about the future of technology. I was the last speaker of the conference, going right after Google's brand evangelist. And my topic was unabashedly "Algorithms and Love". :)



Algorithms are everywhere, but they are also dangerously opaque to most of us. As they automate the status quo, it's not such great news if you want transformation. Particularly, if you care for inner transformation. So I invited an inquiry about shifting from "big data" to "deep data" -- and considering the unique value-add that human beings bring to the table. Like compassion. :)



For what felt like a very-long-time, :) the crowd applauded and happily cheered for these values I spoke about. At the end, as all the speakers came on stage for a farewell, I spontaneously invited everyone to ditch the stage (below) and come together in a giant hug around the chairs. I wish I had a picture of it. Astrid Brinck, a dear sister from Chile, had everyone harmonizing by singing different notes. I'd imagine most of us had the chills. Love trumped algorithms.



Lots of gratitude to Alfred for courageously tilling the soil. Former chief of an 18 billion dollar company is now in the trenches, organizing conferences as his labor of love, and trying to give wings to a different kind of narrative. Big hugs, bro!



The interactions from the conference have continued on. I was particularly touched to receive a note from Klemens, a fellow I met in the lunch line, the day before: "It was wonderful to see how humbly you went through the event. Going to each and every place where help was needed, not making a difference between "important" and "not important" people, bringing joy and beauty into this event! Simply beautiful!"

Martin In Munich: Everyone Matters

Jun 13, 2017 | permalink

In Munich today, I met Martin Kalunga-Banda (next to me, in the photo below). We immediately felt like kindred brothers.  After he learned about ServiceSpace, he said he couldn't sleep that night as he emailed his family and friends about how Karma Kitchen could work in Zambia.



His humble demeanor and generous spirit immediately caught my attention, and while I didn't know much about him, I knew there had to be a story.  And there certainly was -- an amazing story of love's inexplicable ways.

One fine day, Martin feels called to cold call the President of Zambia. "Can I speak to the president?" he asks.  "Do you have an appointment?"  "No."  "Please hold."  Elevator music.  For a long time.

Someone else picks up.  "Um, hello, I'm trying to get to the president please."  More elevator music.

Third person picks up, and he figures he should be a bit more aggressive.  "Look, I've been waiting a long time and I really want to speak to the president."  Voice on the other side says, "President speaking."

That then led to a remarkable series of ripples, and Martin actually became the president's Chief of Staff for 2 years!  And Martin, being Martin, implemented a rule that a president couldn't make a policy without actually having hands-on experience with the matter -- visiting at least three NGOs doing farming work, for instance, before changing farmer laws.

If you ask Martin, he'd say that he doesn't exactly know how he became chief of staff.  But knowing is not all that it's made out to be. Love is an emergent phenomena.  "Our body is the apparatus to tune into that signal," he says. "And once we tune it, we simply act in an instant."

Nelson Mandela, one of Martin's heroes, operated this way.  For Mandela, everyone mattered.  He knew that everyone was connected to field of consciousness.

"It so happened that Mandela's foundation applied for a grant.  Of course, we can't just send him a letter -- so we invited him for a breakfast meeting.  My colleague Peter picked him up and brought him to breakfast.  Right as they sat down, Mandela asks, 'Peter, weren't there two of you?'  'No, Sir, just me.'  'Let me get him,' Mandela gently said. He then proceeded to bring the driver to breakfast!"

Everyone matters.